An Unfunny Whistleblower Title and His Appeal to Reason
I stumbled into a conspiracy quite by accident and my life is in fucking danger.
So I run through everything again in my head and how it all happened and all that. I was left astounded and perplexed after I deduced everything and came to a conclusion that sent shivers down my spine. It can't be. It can't fucking be. The cook, that dagglenailed filthy woman with a weird hair and leecherish persona, must have been accumulated through years of smutgery. WTF! No. I need to do something and stop that filth like her from ruining those good people's lives in the company.
So, with that thought, I got out from the Metrobank building and went straight to Fuente Avenue to buy my favourite DVDs of Bob Dylan, the Carpenters and other collections of both wholesome and perverted videos. I then went also to a convenience store and bought some stocks of Gilbys, rhum and chicheria. The short walk to my underground refuge had done me some good to clear off my head of some doubts, allowing me to digest everything and plan my course of action. Well, after a moment of some serious reverie (about three seconds), I got everything thought out, and you can also say, under my control – thanks to those high school days of reading books by Sheldon and Ludlum, of which I learned much about counter-conspiracy measures, among others. So with that, I enjoyed the rest of the night watching Lerner's The Other Side of the Mirror of Bob Dylan, sipping my gin and read a book of Nietzsche before I went to some nice repose.
That morning, armed with chocolate bars, a flask of gin hidden in my pocket and a folded Cosmo Magazine also hidden in my Kappa jacket, I approached boss Charisse and told her that the company is in danger and that I got some ideas on how to stop it before everything is too late.
'Hi, boss,' I said as casually as I can with the taste of gin still in my mouth.
'Oh hello, now, Jonas! Good day, isn't it?'.
'Now what? Oh, let me guess. Is this still about that vocalist at Asle, isn't it?'
'No..not him, boss. This is something more serious. The thing they called a matter of life and death. Really. Now listen carefully boss. You might have guess this already but I think somebody's planning to take over this company. A devious somebody I must say and she can do that easily with her cooking. Well, they call it that but I call it “cherookeifuckeery” – an ingenious cuisine developed by the ancient Croukeerokee tribe to lull other Malay tribes that they would soon annihilate or make into slaves and... –'